10: Adventures to Deepen Your Relationship

10: Adventures to Deepen Your Connection 


[00:00:00] Welcome to Make More Love, the show for the entrepreneurial man who wants a hot and healthy marriage as well as a successful business. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your place for straight up judgment-free conversations about merging the demands of business with the needs of a fulfilling relationship. We're all about supporting you to be extraordinary in your personal and your professional life, living fully in every way that counts. 


[00:00:26] Before we jump in just a reminder that the Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional. 


[00:00:39] Today I want to talk about some ways that you can connect more deeply with your partner. I've been away this week in Austin, Texas with my sweetheart watching the eclipse. What a fantastic experience. I'm so thankful we had the opportunity to see it. And my husband got some amazing photos. 


[00:00:58] I'm going to post some of those online, so if you're connected to me, you'll be able to see them. 


[00:01:03] And that brings me to my first point: 


[00:01:05] Get out there and create some adventures! 


[00:01:08] I cannot overstate the benefits of having adventures together with your partner. And when you're a business owner a getaway is a very effective way to connect with your partner because it also makes it easier to disconnect from your work, not to mention all the other obligations that steal your relationship energy away. 


[00:01:27] And in fact, some really good studies have shown that when a couple engages in an activity with an unknown outcome, like an adventure or solving a problem. It's an even greater bonding experience than activities where you know what's going to happen. 


[00:01:43] I'm sure some of you are thinking, 


[00:01:45] "There's no way I can just pop off for a long weekend. I have a business to run." 


[00:01:50] Look, I hear you. Your business is critical and you are the only one who really sees the big picture. 


[00:01:57] I'm going to go on a quick tangent about business stuff. When you start thinking there's no way you can get away from your business for a long weekend, that is the time you really must do exactly that! 


[00:02:11] When you think you're the only one it's likely that one of two things are true. 


[00:02:16] Either you have a team, but you don't have confidence in them 


[00:02:19] or... 


[00:02:20] you haven't built a team, so there really is no one to hold down the fort. And sure there's lots of other reasons too, but those are for another time. 


[00:02:29] So, if you feel stuck and overwhelmed in your business, a fresh perspective could work wonders and I've helped a lot of people break through these traps. Let's chat and work out how to get you what you need. My coordinates are in the show notes. 


[00:02:43] Now let's get back to the topic. 


[00:02:46] I'd love to hear about your adventures. What's a getaway that you've taken that brought you closer to your partner? Your experience might just be the inspiration someone needs to take that much needed break. 


[00:02:58] Let's move on to my second point for today, and that is about finding the sweet spot between individuality and coupled-ness. 


[00:03:07] 


[00:03:07] The eclipse was fantastic and it gave my husband and me an opportunity to do a little photography, which is a hobby we both enjoy. But we have extraordinarily different approaches to it. 


[00:03:18] I started when I was about four or five years old. My dad gave me a brownie box camera. Now you might have to Google that, but let me tell you, it was so cool to have my own camera. He, and I used to go out on photo safaris together, and those are still my favorite memories of him. 


[00:03:35] So as a result of the way I learned my approach to taking photos was to find an interesting composition within my environment, and then try to capture it. My approach is quite artsy. 


[00:03:46] On the other hand, my husband started getting more into photography just a few years back, like maybe eight years ago. Now because of his engineer's mind, he took a more methodical approach to becoming a better photographer. 


[00:03:59] In addition to his natural talent, he's developed a deep understanding of the technical aspects of photography. He studies! He practices! 


[00:04:09] For example, he practiced using the filter he got for photographing the eclipse. And let me tell you, his approach has really worked. He's an incredibly good photographer and much better prepared for photographing the eclipse than I was. 


[00:04:24] And that illustrates my second point: Connecting with your partner doesn't have to mean doing everything the same way, nor does it need to be a competition. In fact, when you express your individuality while you are connecting with your partner, you are more likely to discover a newfound admiration for them, and they might see you in a new light too. 


[00:04:46] Before we move on to my third point... 


[00:04:49] If any of this has resonated with you and you're thinking about how you can apply these ideas to your own relationship, I'm offering a free Relationship Reset Call to help you start making some changes. It's quick... just 15 minutes... you and me... working out your next relationship adventure, and it could be the start of something great. 


[00:05:10] Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com to book a spot. And you'll also find all the links and my email address in the show notes. 


[00:05:19] Now let's move on to my third point. 


[00:05:22] Make your relationship a container for shared memories. 


[00:05:25] Not only are adventures great ways to connect and see our partners in a different light, but they also give us shared experiences that we're going to remember for the rest of our lives. You laugh together, you cry together, you wish and hope and regret together... and these memories can be ageless. 


[00:05:45] Except that in modern life, you might not remember! Our minds are full, cluttered, disorganized, obsessed. We're bombarded with more information that in any other time in human history. So even special things could fall through the cracks. 


[00:06:02] I wanted a way to remember these special things. And not to let them fall through the cracks. So I came up with this idea of a reverse bucket list. 


[00:06:12] Now a lot of people have bucket lists, right? That's a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. But I've never really warmed up to the idea of a bucket list. Maybe because my dad passed away before he had a chance to do most of the things on his. 


[00:06:27] The bucket list feels like pressure to me because I could just turn it into a long list of stuff I'll never do, or that I really wouldn't even be able to do... like Parkour. 


[00:06:38] The reverse bucket list is like a bucket list, except that instead of writing down things I want to do someday, I write down the stuff I already did. That way I can capture and remember all the incredible experiences of my life. It also eliminates feeling like I'm going to run out of time. 


[00:06:55] So the reverse bucket list was an idea that really excited me. But the next step was to figure out how to implement it in a way that was sustainable and that I could repeat. 


[00:07:06] We used to have ways of capturing and reliving these special moments. Home movies, scrapbooks, photo albums... but those things all took a lot of time to create. And if you've ever watched an eight millimeter home movie, you know they can take a long time to set up so that you can actually relive them. And yes, there are digital replacements for all of these things and you can use them, but they also take time. You have to create them. You have to organize them and make time to actually go through them again. 


[00:07:39] And then there's the tech with constant updates and five-factor authentication schemes... It's work and Lord knows we don't need any more of that. 


[00:07:48] One of the fundamental rules of my coaching philosophy is that things have to be doable in a short enough time that a business owner who doesn't have time can still implement them consistently. 


[00:08:00] So I had to find a doable approach for my reverse bucket list. 


[00:08:04] It had to be easy. It couldn't take a lot of time. It needed to help me remember wonderful things. And it would be nice if I didn't have to download an app or anything like that. And it had to be easy to share. 


[00:08:17] And that brings me to my hot tip for today... when I realized I could do this in a Google Calendar. I created a separate calendar for it, and now every time I do something cool I enter my experience on the date that it happens. I put a couple of lines in the Notes section to remind me what was cool about it. And then I set up a repeat on whatever timeframe I would like. So, for the eclipse trip, I set it to repeat every year on that date. That way, I'm going to get a reminder every year of what we did together. Now some things I might set the repeat for every five years or even every 10 years or not at all, because even without the reminders, it's a separate calendar and I can always view it as a list from the date I set it up onward, so I never have to forget another cool thing that I did. 


[00:09:10] And I can share this calendar with anyone I want, so we can remember together. 


[00:09:15] So if this idea appeals to you, you should give it a try. 


[00:09:18] If you decide to set up your own reverse bucket list using Google Calendar, I would love to hear whether you found it helpful and easy to use. 


[00:09:27] Okay. Here are three keys. I hope you'll take away from today's show. 


[00:09:32] # 1: Plan adventures with your partners to deepen your connection 


[00:09:37] #2: You can connect and do things together while keeping your individual style and preferences. 


[00:09:44] #3: Make your relationship a container for shared memories. 


[00:09:49] I hope you've enjoyed this episode as much as I've enjoyed sharing it with you, but more importantly, I hope you take these concepts and these ideas and try something new. Let's build that Rock Solid Relationship together. 


[00:10:03] Alright. 


[00:10:04] I hope today's episode added value to your life. 


[00:10:07] If you'd like more support, brainstorming or ideas, here's three ways to get that: 


[00:10:12] You can join our private and free Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. 


[00:10:20] Or you can check out our website and social channels to get the scoop on all of our programs, workshops, and coaching. 


[00:10:27] And three, if you'd like to explore your specific situation, book, a free Relationship Reset call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. 


[00:10:40] You can head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. 


[00:10:45] The Show Notes lists out everything you need to find me, including all the links to everything I've mentioned and my personal email, 


[00:10:53] I'll be here whenever you're ready. 


[00:10:54] And here are a few things you could do to support the show: 


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[00:11:15] Thanks for spreading the word. 


[00:11:16] This is Ellen, and that's what I've got for you today. Until next time remember: What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love... in Your Life and with Your Wife.