20: Mastering Time Sense: Key Strategies for Harmonious Relationships

Welcome to Make More Love, the show for the entrepreneurial man who wants a hot and healthy marriage as well as a successful business. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your place for straight up judgment-free conversations about merging the demands of business with the needs of a fulfilling relationship. We're all about supporting you to be extraordinary in your personal and your professional life, living fully in every way that counts. If you're new to the show, please don't forget to like follow, subscribe, whatever your favorite podcast platform calls it. So you don't miss anything. And it would be great if you could share with a friend too. Today, we're talking about a topic that could save you a lot of frustration in your relationship. That is time compatibility. Now, I don't know if you've noticed this, but time compatibility is a thing. And when I say a thing, I mean it's one of those subtle factors that can make or break the harmony in your relationship. And we're going to get into that, but first I want to talk to you about the concept of Time Sense. Time sense is like common sense, but it's about time. It's a combination of different ways we interact with time. And it's something that can vary significantly from one person to another. It includes three main elements that shape how we experience and manage time in our lives. The first element is Time Orientation. This is all about where your focus lies in terms of time. Are you someone who tends to look back at the past, reflecting on experiences and using them to guide your decisions. Or maybe you're more present oriented focusing on what's happening right now, without much concern for the past or the future. And then there are those of us who are future oriented, always planning and preparing for what's ahead. Your time orientation deeply influences how you make decisions in your life and your relationships. Next, we have Time Perception. This is the subjective experience of how quickly or slowly time seems to pass. Time flies when you're having fun, but drags on when you're doing something tedious. That's how time perception works. It's more about how you feel time moving rather than how you manage it. Time perception can affect how you and your partner perceive the time you spend together, whether it feels fulfilling or fleeting. And finally, there's Time Utilization. This is where the rubber meets the road in terms of how you actually use your time, day to day. For our purposes of matching up your time sense with your partner's, let's focus on the three key aspects of time utilization: Your relationship to time Your awareness of time and Your ability to estimate time. Starting with the first one, your relationship to time. This is about how you interact with time on a daily basis. Are you someone who's always on time, or do you find yourself perpetually running late? It's about your internal clock and how it syncs or doesn't with the rest of the world. Next we have awareness of time. This one's pretty fascinating because some people just naturally always know what time it is. Maybe they check the clock often or maybe they just have an innate ability to keep track of the time. Then there are others who well, let's not sugarcoat this, who always seem to lose track of time ...and suddenly it's much later than they thought. Does that sound familiar? And finally, there's your ability to estimate time. Are you good at estimating how long a task will take, or does everything seem to stretch out longer than you planned? This can be a real pain point, especially if you and your partner are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I can tell you, this is a big one for me. I'm always saying, "Oh, I just need five minutes." And then 45 minutes later I finally finish whatever I'm working on, and in the meantime, my husband has found other things to do. I am very fortunate that he is mostly very easy going. We all have our own unique time sense that we've developed over the years, often without even realizing it. But here's where it gets tricky. How about your partner? Do they share your time sense or are they on a completely different wavelength? If just asking that question puts you on edge, then you might be experiencing mismatched time sense with your partner. If this sounds like an issue that's been causing friction in your relationship, you might benefit from a more personalized approach. So I want to share something that I'm offering for my listeners. A lot of you've been reaching out with questions about your own relationships, and I want to help. So I'm offering my listeners a free Relationship Reset Call. It's a quick 15 minutes with just you and me. We'll figure out what problem to tackle first. Then we'll lay out a plan with one or two steps to get you moving in the right direction. And after that, if you'd like more help I'll let you know how to get it. If you let your relationship go to shite, the cost to your financial, social and emotional wellbeing is enormous. It will truly put a dent in your armor. So let's not let that happen. Head over to relationshipresetcall.com to grab your spot. Let's get you on a trajectory to Make More Love... in Your Life and With Your Wife. And we're back. This brings us to the heart of today's topic, which is time compatibility. If you and your partner have very different time senses, it can lead to some serious friction. I probably don't have to tell you that many conflicts between couples stem directly from time incompatibility. I'm going to give you some strategies for how to sync up your time sense with your partner's. But before we get into that, you might be wondering how to bring this up with your partner, especially if it's a sore spot. So it's all about approaching the conversation with a sense of collaboration, and focusing on how these strategies can benefit both of you. Here's how you might do that: First choose the right moment. Find a time when you're both relaxed, not in a rush, not in the middle of a conflict, maybe a quiet time in the evening or over a weekend breakfast. But the goal is to keep the conversation positive. Number two is express your desire to improve the relationship. Let your partner know how much you value the relationship and how you think understanding each other's time sense could help you both feel more in sync. Number three is make it a joint effort. Frame it as something you can tackle together, not something one person needs to fix. You might say, "I found a few ideas we could try to get on the same page with our schedules. Let's see if they can make things easier for both of us." Number four, be open to their input. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and concerns. Ask, "What do you think? Is there anything you want to tweak or add or change?" Number five is to suggest a trial run. Like, "How about we give this a shot for a couple of weeks and see how it works?" Now with that in mind, let me run through five strategies you and your partner can follow together to match up with each others' time sense. The first one is to choose the right tools. You can use a shared Google calendar. You'll probably need a smartphone with multiple alarm settings or a reminder app. But you should both choose tools that work for you as individuals as well as a couple. The idea is to find a system that suits both of your needs and then commit to using it consistently as part of your relationship agreements. Number two is to set mutually agreed stopping times, especially when it comes to work. Whether you're working from home, or even if you're not, decide together on a clear stopping time that works for both of you. Share this time with each other. Set alarms if needed and make it a priority for both of you to honor that time. This stopping time is a joint commitment and part of your agreements. Number three is to maintain a shared calendar. Both of you should be involved in keeping an up-to-date shared calendar. It's not just about logistics. It's about enhancing communication. Whether you're more organized or more spontaneous, having a common space for plans helps to prevent misunderstandings and double bookings, and ensures that you're both on the same page. Make maintaining this calendar something you both do as part of your daily routine. And speaking of routines, you should establish a daily morning check-in. Start the day with a quick rundown of what's on each other's schedules. Any meetings, travel, when you'll be home, dinner plans, etc, etc. This isn't just for the person who's more time aware. It's a way for both of you to connect and coordinate, ensuring that your days align smoothly. And number five is to communicate potential changes proactively. If there's a chance your plans might change ...a big project, a late meeting ...both of you should make it a point to let the other know as soon as possible. This kind of heads-up helps to manage expectations, reduces stress, and you'll both be thankful that you're keeping each other in the loop. And those are the five strategies for synching up your time sense. If you try these strategies for yourself, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. You can share in the Passionate Partners Insider Community, which is our free and private Facebook group, or simply pop me an email at ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com. I can't wait to hear about what works for you and what you think could be better. By the way, all the coordinates for all these things are in the show notes. So head there, after the episode to reach out to me. Before we wrap up here are three key points I hope you'll take away from today's episode. Number one is to become more aware of your time sense. Reflect on your own relationship with time, your awareness of time and your ability to estimate how long task will take. It might take some practice, but understanding your own time sense is the first step to improving how you manage it in your relationship. Number two is take the initiative in communication. Start proactively sharing your plans, your schedule, and potential changes with your partner. Even if your partner isn't as time focused as you are your efforts to communicate more clearly will certainly be appreciated and can help to build trust. And number three is Use tools to keep yourself organized. Use the calendar, use the reminders, setting alarms, find tools that work for you to manage your time better. These tools can help you stay on track for yourself, but they also demonstrate your commitment to your partner to make your time together more in sync I encourage you to start implementing these strategies today. After all, there's no time like the present. Alright. I hope today's episode added value to your life. If you'd like more support, brainstorming or ideas, here's three ways to get that: You can join our private and free Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. Or you can check out our website and social channels to get the scoop on all of our programs, workshops, and coaching. And three, if you'd like to explore your specific situation, book, a free Relationship Reset call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. You can head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. The Show Notes lists out everything you need to find me, including all the links to everything I've mentioned and my personal email, I'll be here whenever you're ready. And here are a few things you could do to support the show: If you haven't already please follow and subscribe. That is a win for both of us. Then, if you could leave a review, that will help our community grow. And, if you know someone who is struggling in their own relationship, please share the show with them. It could be life-changing for them. Thanks for spreading the word. This is Ellen, and that's what I've got for you today. Until next time remember: What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love... in Your Life and with Your Wife.