21: Sleep Naked

Welcome to Make More Love, the show for the entrepreneurial man who wants a hot and healthy marriage as well as a successful business. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your place for straight up judgment-free conversations about merging the demands of business with the needs of a fulfilling relationship. 

We're all about supporting you to be extraordinary in your personal and your professional life, living fully in every way that counts. 

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Today I'm excited to share with you the most popular post I've ever put on social media in almost 20 years of being in business. But before we dive into that, there's something else I want to talk about. Something I believe is incredibly important. 

While you are listening to this episode, I am on vacation. Well, actually, it's not a vacation. I've already had a few of those this summer with my husband and they were wonderful, but this is different. I'm on a wellness retreat in Greece, focusing on my physical and mental wellbeing. 

As business owners, we feel we have to be there for everyone all the time in our business, in our relationships, in our families. But we can't forget about being present for ourselves. We need time to center ourselves to bring our energy back to our core and to reflect on our next right step. Achieving that kind of clarity requires focus and sometimes a certain amount of quietude.

When I first became a coach, I'd hear other coaches talk about silent retreats anywhere from two to eight days of complete silence. And honestly that sounded like a nightmare to me. Uh, being around others without sharing ideas or socializing or getting to know each other. I could not fathom why anyone would want to do that. But after years of coaching, I have come to understand the value of stillness and quiet. Working with clients demands a lot of intensity of purpose, concentration, attentiveness and the ability to juggle a lot of information. When I go too long without taking any time for myself to recharge, I start to feel drained. So while I haven't done a silent retreat yet. I now appreciate why some people do find it so helpful.

This wellness retreat isn't a silent one though. It's all about embracing the Mediterranean lifestyle: Good food, movement, skincare, longevity, and connecting with the world, with nature, and with history. I'm going to have to share more about it when I return home, because honestly I'm not entirely sure what to expect myself. 

But here's the thing, even with a packed schedule, a robust relationship, an all consuming business and a host of other obligations, I still am making time for myself and I encourage you to do the same. 

I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, that I am going to share the most popular post that I've ever posted in my whole business career.

This was one in a series of many relationship tips that I put out a couple of years ago, and you can find those now on our YouTube channel. 

The title of it was Sleep Naked! And it raised a lot of eyebrows on LinkedIn, I can tell you that. But just before I play that for you, I want to take a moment to invite you to something special I offer my listeners. 

A lot of you have reached out to me with questions about your own relationships. And I want to help. If you've been feeling a disconnect in your relationship or you're ready to take things to the next level I offer a free Relationship Reset Call. This is a one-on-one opportunity to work together and identify the steps you can take to bring more passion, more connection, and more fulfillment into your partnership. Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com and set up a time with me. 

Now let's get into that post. I promised you about sleeping naked. 

Tip number 15. Sleep naked. Human beings are physically designed to be naked, at least some of the time. Our body functions, body clock, hormonal systems, and reproductive organs all benefit from lower body temperature. And when we're naked, our bodies naturally settle at the ideal temperature for all of these functions.

You can read about the physiological connection between nakedness and well being all over the Internet. But emotional benefits are even more profound. 

There are a lot of misperceptions about nakedness.

You might think you'll feel anxious when you're naked. You might think you'd feel defenseless when you're naked. You might not want to be naked because you feel out of shape or unattractive in some way. But in study after study, when people tried sleeping naked, they reported the opposite of each of these perceptions.

Sleeping naked with their partner gave them a sense of security. Being naked in general made them feel more free. And sleeping naked with their partner led to a more positive body image. There are two reasons for this. The first one is hormonal. Skin to skin contact releases oxytocin, the feel good hormone.

The second reason is about emotional openness. Just as our bodies are designed to be free, our emotional core also needs to be free of the tight protections we have in place. 

And there's one more misperception we should cover. You may think that being naked should be reserved for signaling sexual desire and activity. Honestly, in American society, we equate nakedness and sex, but in many other cultures, those two things are quite separate.

In fact, nakedness lets our guard down and allows us to be vulnerable. That's why it feels good. But you might be thinking, "Well, I don't want to be naked and vulnerable. That doesn't feel good to me." 

If you're thinking that, then come in close and listen to me. Yes. You. Do. That's why you chose to be in a relationship.

If sex was only about physical release, frankly, you could handle that on your own. Sex in the context of a committed relationship is about so much more than physical release. It provides acceptance, and belonging, and vulnerability. And you need those things. That's why you crave sex with your partner, and that's why it hurts so much when you don't get it.

We need both physical and emotional nakedness to recharge our life energy, that force that It flows through each of us, uniting our body, our mind, and our spirit. 

Let me put that in more concrete terms. It's about vitality. Without that, we get used up, tired and apathetic. We feel flat. We stop feeling joy. Our experiences don't thrill us. Our senses become dull. Food doesn't taste as good. Colors lose their intensity. Everything in our lives fades out to gray. 

So when I say, yes, you do want to feel naked and vulnerable, it's because I know that you want vitality in your life.

Your emotional energy is vital to your happiness. And we all want to be happy. Vulnerability fosters good emotional health and deepens our connection. And that's what getting naked with your partner is all about. It's so important to our overall wellbeing.

So if you're ready to try sleeping naked, I'm going to give you five tips to getting started. 

Number one, let your partner know that you're making changes to your sleep routine and invite them to consider sleeping naked along with you. Don't be disappointed if they don't want to do that. Just go ahead and do it yourself. And you'll see over time , it may rub off on them. 

Number two, go at a pace that feels good for you. If you're not used to it, begin sleeping with just your shirt or just your shorts or just your, just a light top or whatever it is, and then change it up and remove more things as you get more comfortable until you're sleeping completely naked.

Number three, invest in more and better sheets and bedding. Have both a top sheet and a bottom sheet and start out with fresh clean sheets on your first night of sleeping naked and even change your sheets daily if it makes you feel more at ease. 

Number four, Along the same lines, make sure you have a couple of layers of blankets so you can control your warmth and comfort level. If you and your partner are comfortable at different temperatures, multiple blankets are definitely the way to go.

And number five is create a bedtime ritual to help you wind down and start lowering your body temperature before you shed your clothes for the night. 

If you have trouble winding down to sleep, I have a super article from the National Sleep Foundation on how to get a better night's sleep. You can get it in our Passionate Partners, Insider Community, or simply drop me an email at ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com

So, I urge you to try sleeping naked and hopefully convince your partner to do the same. This is just a tip. You may need a little extra help to get into the groove of sleeping naked or getting emotionally naked and vulnerable, or a host of other things that are going to bring you closer to your partner, get more intimacy, and get the acceptance and belonging that you crave.

You can always set up a call with me. Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com And set up a time. 

We'll have a look at your personal situation and get you moving in the right direction. 

I challenge you to give it a try. I'd love to hear your thoughts and I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. You can share in our Passionate Partners Insider Community, that's our free and private Facebook group. Or simply drop me an email at ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com 

I hope you enjoyed this. It's my favorite relationship tip I've ever done. And it's my listeners favorite as well.

Alright. 

I hope today's episode added value to your life. 

If you'd like more support, brainstorming or ideas, here's three ways to get that: 

You can join our private and free Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. 

Or you can check out our website and social channels to get the scoop on all of our programs, workshops, and coaching. 

And three, if you'd like to explore your specific situation, book, a free Relationship Reset call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. 

You can head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. 

The Show Notes lists out everything you need to find me, including all the links to everything I've mentioned and my personal email, 

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This is Ellen, and that's what I've got for you today. Until next time remember: What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love... in Your Life and with Your Wife.