29: Ask Your Doctor If You're Healthy Enough: The Role of Personal Vitality in Your Relationship

Ellen Dorian:
00:00:00

Hey there. Welcome to Make More Love. This is the show for driven entrepreneurial men who want their life to be about more than just business success. They also want a passionate, aligned, and fun relationship with their spouse that lasts a lifetime. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your space for straight-up, judgment-free conversations about creating a life where you handle the demands of business, relationships and everything else in a holistic and fulfilling way. We're all about helping you be extraordinary in every way that matters. If you're new to the show, be sure to hit that Follow or Subscribe button right now so you never miss an episode. If you're serious about transforming your relationship and your life, staying connected here is your first step. And, if you find today's conversation helpful, please share it with a friend who could use some new ideas for their own relationship. You know those commercials, "Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough for sex?" Today, we're going to get into the topic of vitality, which is your physical and mental health. I'm aware that this is not a subject men really want to talk about. But sexual and physical intimacy are things that many men want and the road to earth-shattering intimacy runs straight through self care, so what are we going to do? Let's get into why vitality matters, what gets in the way and what steps you can take if you feel like your vitality has gotten off track. First. Let's look at why male business owners in particular, often struggle with vitality. The health pressures that come with running a business impact your energy, resilience, and relationships. Here are some of the biggest obstacles. Of course, number one is high stress levels. The financial pressures, constant responsibilities, and other demands of the business can create chronic stress, which leads to higher cortisol levels, which in turn lead to weight, gain digestive issues, mental fatigue, And a host of other problems. Number two is sleep issues. The long hours and stress can get in the way of good sleep. It's not a joke, actually. Long-term sleep deprivation is a proven cause of early death. So it's very important that we address any sleep issues. The third one is burnout and mental health challenges. That old saying it's lonely at the top really holds true for business owners. We're more prone to anxiety, depression, and burnout, especially given the kind of isolation that can happen when we're the ones in charge. Number four is a sedentary lifestyle and musculoskeletal issues Sitting for long stretches leads to back pain, neck stiffness, and a decline in cardiovascular health. Many researchers refer to the sedentary lifestyle we lead as the Silent Killer of the 21st Century. Number five is poor eating habits and metabolic health risks. Unhealthy snacking, fast food, mindless eating all have negative effects on our health. Number six is unhealthy coping mechanisms. A long with unhealthy eating, alcohol, recreational drugs, cigarettes. Even excessive caffeine are often a coping mechanism for stress, and those can get out of hand causing a host of health issues. And number. Seven is increased cardiovascular risks. The combination of stress, poor sleep, sedentary habits, poor eating and poor coping mechanisms, all lead to higher risk of heart disease, hypertension, and other cardiovascular conditions. These health challenges impact productivity, relationships and personal satisfaction. And they are very familiar to most of us who run a business and have some semblance of a life outside of that. So here's a story that might resonate with you. It's about one of my clients, DB who faced these same struggles. He told me this story: I started out in construction. From my late teens all the way through my thirties, I worked long days in all kinds of weather, climbing ladders, hauling materials on my feet all day. On the weekends I loved doing outdoor stuff. Mountain biking, skiing, backpacking, and golf. Staying in shape wasn't something I had to think about. My lifestyle automatically kept me fit. Then in my early forties, I started my own business. It was a great career move, but my lifestyle seriously changed, and suddenly I was spending most of my work day sitting. Now, I'm always at my computer in a meeting, reviewing RFPs and plans, and I work most weekends too. I've packed on 20 pounds. I have a knee injury that never healed right, and so that's slows me down. And, by the time I get home at night. I'm too tired to do anything much. I work a little bit, maybe watch a game and then I usually fall asleep on the couch. I still play golf a couple of times a week, but just walking the course and carrying the bag now feels like a full body workout. I feel old and out of shape. And I know that this isn't my best life. My wife has gotten tired of nagging me to take care of myself. She doesn't even seem to care anymore. And our sex life has definitely suffered." I'll share my advice to DB in just a minute. But if this story struck a nerve, I get it. It's not easy to admit, let alone share that kind of information. But in case you haven't gotten the idea yet, that's what I'm here for. So I'm going to make you an offer. You can book a free private one-on-one relationship reset call with me, and we'll wrestle this thing to the ground. The call is a no judgment zone where we can get into what's going on and create a practical custom plan to restore your vitality. I want you to think about this. You can bury your head in the sand, but then where are your balls going to be? Just sayin'. So go to relationshipresetcall.com and book a time. Don't leave em hangin'. And we are back. And here's how we tackled DB's situation. As usual, I laid out a phased approach. First, I recommended a simple daily routine: one quick practice in the morning and one before bed. I asked him to try that for two weeks and let me know what he thought. And the next segment, I'll give you the details of those routines, so you can try them yourself and see if they work for you. Once he got that routine down, we moved on to how to approach his doctor to deal with the medical side of things. DB, wasn't exactly a fan of going to the doctor, but he went, and they found a few small issues in his blood work that were quickly managed with medication. Then with the doctors all clear, we worked on ways to add movement back into DB's day and to make it fun again. He'd never had to set aside time for physical activity before. It had been built into his life every day, so this was a mindset shift for him. Fortunately, he discovered activities he enjoyed and even got his wife to join him sometimes. That helped them reconnect physically and resparked some of their Passionate Relationship Energy. Altogether, it took about 10 months for DB to get his vitality back on track, but now he enjoys life so much more. Next let's break down the routines and advice that helped DB at each of the phases. We start by building a baseline. If you're feeling low on energy or just barely making it through the day. We're going to start with some basic daily routines. I've done quite a bit of research here to find the absolute, dead simple stuff you can do that will still make an actual difference. So here's how that goes. In the morning. As soon as you wake up, go rinse your mouth out with clean water and spit it out. This removes bacteria that builds up overnight. After that. Do a quick light stretch: Reach your arms up over your head and then drop into your sides. Gently rotate your body and swing your arms from side to side. Then do one or two deep squats to engage your core. Finally, step outside for a minute. Whether it's hot or cold, dark or light, connect with the outside world. These tiny steps will clear your head and get your day started right. Now, in the evening, as you're wrapping up for the night, there's three more steps to do. First, do a house check. Check that the doors are locked, the windows are shut, the garage doors are closed, and the lights are off ...anything that might nag at you during the night, so you can rest your protector brain. Second. Set up your sleep environment. It is unbelievable how many things in the bedroom beep, flash, or hum during the night. Turn all that shit off. If your devices have sleep mode, then use it. Make sure the room is dark and a comfortable temperature for you. I know you may need to negotiate with your partner on that particular piece, but it's very important that you be comfortable. My favorite comedian from Finland, whose name is ISMO, does a very funny bit about the ridiculousness of American couples sharing a single blanket. In Finland, everyone gets their own The third step is to take a mental inventory. Take one minute to jot down everything that's on your mind that you need to tackle tomorrow. I keep a notebook and a pen next to the bed for this purpose, and it really does help. These routines won't change everything overnight, but they will reactivate your physical side. So try these for a couple of weeks, just like DB did. And I'd love to hear how you made out. You can send me an email at Ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com, Or you can message me on Facebook or on LinkedIn, or you can post in our private and free Facebook group, the Passionate Partners Insider Community. Once you've got the basics covered, you might be ready to go to the next step. And that is take a physical inventory. Schedule that checkup to tackle any issues that have been hanging out. If like DB you've been avoiding the doctor, you can use this time to make the visit work for you by being prepared, having your questions ready, and working with the doctor as a partner, instead of being talked down to. The next tip is to prioritize sleep. We've already talked about how important sleep is. If you've mastered that evening routine and you're still having trouble sleeping, especially if you snore, grind your teeth, wake up with a sore jaw, you probably need to get that checked out by the doctor. And you might even need a sleep study. I know the idea of doing a sleep study isn't very appealing, but these days you do them at home. It's a lot easier and it's not the big deal that it used to be. You'll find out some things that could save your life. Literally save your life. If what's keeping you up at night is racing thoughts or overwhelm, there's an exercise you can do to help you get your mindset in check. I learned this exercise from Eben Pagan, who is one of the world's leading transformation experts. It will take you about 20 minutes, but you only need to do it about once a week, maybe even less. Here's the exercise: Take a sheet of paper and a pen and write down everything you're thinking of, everything you need to do for the business and at home. Just write it all down, keep writing for as long as you can and then stop and ask yourself what else, and then write for another minute or two, even if you don't think of anything else. Once you have your list, put a circle around everything you have actual control over. And so, things like world peace, climate change, the price of eggs. Those are not things you have much control over. So don't circle those. Once you finished circling the things you have actual control over. Look at those circled items and mark the ones you could handle over the next week. If it can't be finished within a week, don't mark it. You shouldn't have more than three to five things marked off. Now, take a new sheet of paper and copy over the things that you've marked off. Once you have that list of three to five things, keep it where you can see it. Follow through and finish those things. And that's the end of the exercise. Then just repeat this process every week, and you will see how much more productive you are and how much better you're going to feel physically and mentally, by having this level of control. Now, for those of you who feel like you've got a solid foundation, let's talk about taking things to the next level. Here are three things to think about: Number one is to try new things. Add variety to your life by exploring either a new workout or an activity, something you've always been interested in. Fresh challenges feel fun and exciting, whether they're mental challenges or physical ones. Number two is to spotlight recovery practices. Success is not only about working hard or even working smart. It's also about balancing effort with recovery. Try some of the techniques that elite athletes and performers use for recovery, like cold therapy. Massages or saunas. These can help prevent burnout and keep your energy high. The third thing is a mental resilience practice. If you're committed to growth, advanced techniques like visualization, future casting. Even neuro-linguistic programming or NLP, can help reinforce mental resilience, keeping you strong and focused. If you'd like some help with this, book yourself in for a relationship reset call and we'll brainstorm some stuff for you. Just go to relationshipresetcall.com and find a time that works for you. In this last segment, let's talk about essential health checks for men over 40. If you're a man over 40, there are 11 health checks that you should make sure that you do. Some of them don't typically kick in until a bit later but it's a good idea to keep them on your radar because they are key to your vitality and your longevity, and they have a direct impact on libido and virility as well. Number one is blood pressure check. This is a must to prevent heart disease and kidney problems. Number two is at least annual comprehensive blood panels. They'll check for cholesterol, triglycerides, blood glucose levels, A1C, and a bunch of other things that can catch health issues early and help prevent or correct them. Number three is testosterone and hormone levels. Low testosterone can impact energy mood and overall vitality. Everyone needs some testosterone. So if yours is lower than it should be, you will be experiencing fatigue and lack of interest in a lot of things, including sex. So it's very important to know those testosterone levels and other hormone levels that interact with testosterone. Number four is a monthly testicular self exam. While not a doctor's exam, a monthly testicular self exam is an important habit. Ideally, you should start these in your late teens, but it's never too late to begin. Early detection of any unusual changes in your private areas can make a big difference, helping you catch potential issues before they become serious. Number five is a yearly skin cancer screening. This is really essential for early detection and treatment of skin cancer, and most people don't even think of doing them. This is especially important for people who've worked outside a lot, like my client DB, who was in construction. Number six is a sleep study. We've already talked about this. But especially if you snore or you have insomnia or you grind your teeth or clench. It's important to talk to your doctor about getting that sleep study. Number seven is liver function tests. These should be done periodically, especially if your alcohol intake is anywhere from moderate to a little more than moderate. No judgment, but we do want to watch our health. Now the rest of these checks typically start around the age of 50, unless you have a family history or the doc thinks that there's a reason that you should do them earlier. But these are: A bone density test, which helps to assess your risk for osteoporosis. A prostate screening or PSA test because prostate health is crucial, especially after age 50. It is very, very common for men over 50 to have some kinds of prostate issues, whether that's prostititus or prostate cancer. So it's very important to be checked. The next one is colonoscopy. This is so key for detecting polyps and preventing colorectal cancer. This one is very personal for me because my dad passed away at the age of 58 from colon cancer. They didn't recommend regular colonoscopies back then, and if he had had one, they might've found that and he might still be alive today. And the last one is a mental health check. This one really shouldn't be in the over 50 category. This is a good one to do at any time. Screening for depression and anxiety supports your overall wellbeing. If you're feeling depressed or anxious for more than a couple of weeks, it's a paper inventory test. It's a good idea to take one of those, just to see how you're doing, because having those symptoms will hold you back from being as successful as you can be in your relationship in your business, in the rest of your life. It's really no way to live. So let's get whatever treatment is needed to make sure that your mental health is in check. All of these health checks allow you to catch potential issues early, manage them and stay at your best for the rest of your life. As we wrap up today, here are three key points I hope you'll take away from today's episode. Number one. Is vitality is the most important thing we never think about. It isn't just about physical health. It's about having the energy and resilience that let you play full out in your life. Number two vitality is a long-term investment. Just like building a successful business, and pretty much everything I talk about, it doesn't take a massive effort. Once again, small, consistent habits over time make the big impact. And number three: You cannot have a world-class relationship if you are not healthy enough to engage. Physical wellbeing has a ripple effect on your relationships. By prioritizing your self care and your health, you will be able to bring renewed passion, connection, and a deeper, more satisfying bond. Alright I hope today's episode added some real value to your life. If you are ready for more support ideas or just someone to brainstorm with here are three ways to get that. One is to join our private and free Passionate Partners, Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. Number two is to visit our website and our social channels to learn more about our programs, workshops, and private coaching options. That's passionatepartnersproject.com And number three, if you want to dive into your specific situation, book a free Relationship Reset Call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. You'll find everything you need, including the links to everything I've mentioned. And my personal email right in the show notes. I'll be here whenever you're ready. And now I've got a request. I could really use your help to get the word out about Make More Love. First, if you haven't already, please hit follow and subscribe on whatever platform you prefer when you do that. It helps more people find the show and it makes sure you don't miss anything. And second, even more important leaving a review will really help me grow our community so we can reach even more people. And finally, if you know someone who's struggling in their relationship, please share the show with them. A simple share from you could be life-changing for them. So, thank you so much for spreading the word. I'm Ellen Dorian, and that's what I've got for you today. I believe you had good reasons for choosing the partner you have. My mission is to help you reconnect with those reasons and discover new ways to Make More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife.