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Dec. 19, 2024

35: How to Give Your Partner a Gift Card Without Hurting Your Relationship

[SUMMARY]

Gift-giving during the holidays or special occasions can be a minefield, especially when it comes to significant others. This week, Ellen dives into a common mistake many partners make: giving a gift card without much thought—and how it can unintentionally hurt your relationship. She shares a real-life story from a client and offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to turn even a gift card into a meaningful experience that shows your partner how much you care.

Part 1: Why Gift-Giving Feels So Hard

Ellen breaks down the common frustrations and challenges of holiday gift-giving:

  • Why partners with “everything” are difficult to shop for.
  • How big-ticket items and personal preferences make gift-giving feel impossible.
  • Why a gift card might seem practical but can come across as thoughtless.

 

She also unpacks what the phrase “It’s the thought that counts” really means—and how partners interpret effort differently.

 

Part 2: A Client’s Gift-Giving Dilemma

Ellen shares the story of her client, JT, who struggled to find a gift for his wife after past failures—including a gift card disaster that caused resentment. She explores why this scenario is so common and how frustration can lead to gift-giving procrastination or avoidance altogether.

 

Part 3: The Solution—Make It an Experience

Ellen lays out a step-by-step plan for turning a gift card or shopping budget into a meaningful and personal experience:

  1. Create a beautifully wrapped certificate for a shopping day together.
  2. Plan ahead by contacting stores and arranging a curated selection within budget.
  3. Elevate the experience with lunch, dinner, or thoughtful details that show care and effort.She also provides ideas for scaling the experience to different preferences, budgets, and logistics.

 

Key Takeaways:

  1. A great gift isn’t about the price—it’s about the thought and effort behind it.
  2. Focusing on an experience over a “thing” creates connection and shows your partner you value them.
  3. Planning even simple details, like arranging a private shopping experience, can make all the difference.

 

Call to Action:

If you’ve ever struggled with gift-giving, this episode is your chance to rethink your approach and create a meaningful moment with your partner. For more personalized advice, schedule a free Relationship Reset Call with Ellen or join the conversation in the P3 Insider’s Community. Links are below!

Closing Thoughts:

Ellen reminds listeners that putting thought into a gift is about more than avoiding conflict—it’s about deepening your connection and showing your partner they matter.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

All links can be found below.

PS:

custom jewelry design info:

https://www.instagram.com/dorianjewelers/

 

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian

Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional.

 

Make More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.show

Parent Company: The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.com

Join Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105

Contact Me Directly: Email: ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com

Or direct message me via social media:

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/

LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/

Or set up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me here:

relationshipresetcall.com

Transcript

Ellen Dorian:

Hey there. Welcome to Make More Love. This is the show for driven entrepreneurial men who want their life to be about more than just business success. They also want a passionate, aligned, and fun relationship with their spouse that lasts a lifetime. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your space for straight-up, judgment-free conversations about creating a life where you handle the demands of business, relationships and everything else in a holistic and fulfilling way. We're all about helping you be extraordinary in every way that matters. If you're new to the show, be sure to hit that "Follow" or "Subscribe" button right now so you never miss an episode. If you're serious about transforming your relationship and your life, staying connected here is your first step. And, if you find today's conversation helpful, please share it with a friend who could use some new ideas for their own relationship. Hey folks. I am so sorry, but there's no tantric sex talk today. I'm still working on that episode for you, but it'll be ready soon. Instead, today we're going to talk about one of the biggest mistakes you can make around this time of year. Doing this thing will land you in the dog house faster than you can say, "woof" and the resentment it causes can last for a long time. So, what is this terrible thing? It's giving your partner a gift card for a significant occasion, like Christmas, birthday, anniversaries. Many people go through this every time they need to get a gift. You ask your partner, "what do you want for" ...Christmas, or your birthday or whatever? And they don't give you a straight answer or they get mad at you for asking. So, you get them a gift card thinking, "This'll be perfect. They could get something they really want, and they won't have to return it or exchange it for a different size. They'll love that." But they don't! In fact, you feel the chill in the air and you start to realize you have made a critical mistake. Or you feel your defenses going up because you're bracing for the silent or not- so- silent reaction of disappointment. One of my clients, JT brought this exact scenario to our session on Monday. Yeah, like the day before yesterday, December six-fricking-teenth. He said, I effed up, I'm going to be screwed. I don't have a gift for my wife for Christmas." I said, Yeah Well, that is a problem. So what happened? And here's what he told me. Well, you know, it is just impossible to buy anything for her. We've been together for 20 years and she already has everything. Jewelry. She has so much she doesn't even wear half of it. Clothes. Well, that's a landmine. I don't know what she needs. I don't know her size. How am I supposed to choose something that's her style. She always looks amazing to me, but it's not like she asks me how to choose her clothes. So I have no idea how I do that. And I have made the mistake in the past of getting her something for the house. One year I bought her one of those ultimate cooking appliance robot things. They said it does everything in the kitchen you could possibly ever want. She didn't want it. I've tried one of a kind gifts like antique teapots and stuff, but how much of that stuff do you really need? I've given her trips and theater tickets and spa days and stuff like that. But somehow she tends to forget that those were gifts for her. And then she thinks I didn't get her anything. You know, I've been putting it off because it's a giant pain in the ass. I ask her what she wants and she never gives me a straight answer. In fact, she seems pissed that I even asked. She always gives me some line about how that's the thought that counts, but you know, that's not true. And folks, here's where we get to the punchline. Last year," he says, "I got her a huge gift card to her favorite jewelry store so she could pick out exactly what she wanted. But instead of being happy, she went so cold and she sulked all the way through Christmas and then some. She hasn't even used the gift card yet. So I've been putting off the shopping. I know I'm screwed, but I'm out of ideas and I feel like I'm in a no-win situation." So folks, I'm going to take a wild guess that JT isn't the only person out there who's gone through this scenario. Have you ever had this kind of thing blow up in your face? I know I have, and it happens way more often than you think. So why does gift giving feel so hard? It's a real challenge. And it happens for a few reasons. I mean, look, I'm talking to you guys, my audience, right? You're affluent. You're business owners. Let's be real. The Number One reason is that we already have so much, and when we want something, we just go buy it. And. Number Two is if we don't buy it, that's usually because it's a huge ticket item that's more of an investment than a gift. One of the things JT said was. I don't care what the ads say. I'm not buying her a Porsche with a bow on it and leaving it in the driveway." number Three is, it's a landmine. Clothes are perfect example. You have to know their exact size, their taste, favorite brands and if you get it wrong, It's awkward at best. And Number Four is there's a real risk the person won't like it. Maybe they'll pretend to like it, or maybe they'll take it back and get something else, but then there's always going to be some bad energy attached to that thing. So, what are you going to do? We're going to continue this conversation in a minute, but before we jump into that, I want to let you know about something special I offer to my listeners: A lot of you've been reaching out with questions about your own relationships and I want to help. So, I'm offering this free Relationship Reset Call. It's a quick 15 or so minutes. Just you and me, where we get the lay of the land and we sketch out a plan to get you moving in the right direction. If you're thinking about scheduling a call, here are a few questions to ask yourself: Would you like to be sure that you're focusing on the most urgent and important issues in your relationship? Would it be valuable for you to learn how to apply skills you've already mastered in your work to increase the passion in your relationship? And. Would having an experienced guide help you stay on track as you implement new strategies? If you answered "Yes," then let's connect. Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com, grab your spot, and we'll jump on a call and figure everything out. Because honestly, ...and you know this as well as I do ...if you let your relationship slide, the cost to you financially, socially, emotionally, and in every other way is just enormous. It will truly put a dent in your armor. So let's not let that happen. Let's get you on a trajectory to Make More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife. And we're back. Let me tell you something that a lot of folks get wrong. If your partner tells you, "It's the thought that counts," that doesn't mean what you think it means, and honestly it's not even accurate. What they're actually saying is, it's the effort that counts. Well folks, I've got you. I'm going to lay out a step-by-step plan to get you out of this hole. And you've got time to do this. So here's the solution. The way that you buy your partner a gift card without looking like a loser is


Yeti Stereo Microphone:

don't buy them a gift card. Instead, make it an experience.


Ellen Dorian:

This is what I told JT: "Stop focusing on the thing and start focusing on the experience." So here's how you do that. Instead of handing your partner a gift card, you create a certificate for a shopping day together. You write something like "Let's pick out something perfect for you together." I'm going to tell you what to do to make this a first-class experience, so don't cheapen it by then simply handing them an envelope. But buy or make a fancy invitation style card. Fill it in with what I'm going to tell you next. Then put that in a box and wrap it up beautifully, so you have something to give them. Okay. So here's what to put on that invitation: Figure out a few stores and call them ahead of time. A lot of good stores have personal shoppers and you can make an appointment with them. So you get one-on-one attention and they'll even curate items for you. They might have some tips for you on how to figure out what size, and what brands, and everything your partner might like. And, it's not only clothes. Maybe your partner's into fishing and you want to go to Orvis or something like that. there's lots of ways that this can go down. So, like I said, call the store ahead of time. Make an appointment with a personal shopper or a manager. They're going to help you make a curated experience that your partner's going to love, and makes you look like a hero. The next thing is to make it a full day experience. Pair up that shopping trip with a lunch or dinner. And don't ask, "where do you want to go." Choose a place that you know that they're going to love. And then the last thing you need to do is take care of the rest of the logistics. So, for example, if you need childcare, you got to make the arrangements for the childcare. If you want to hire a limo, Especially if you're going to do some pub crawling or something along those lines, and you want to be a full participant, make sure that you can do that. So think through all the rest of those logistics. And take on the full mental load for planning this day, and that is going to make the experience so much more special. This approach turns the gift giving into more than a transaction. It becomes a shared memory. I told this to JT. When you're there with your partner, helping her choose something, she loves, it's not just about the gift. You're sending a clear message that she's worth the time and effort." And that might be an even bigger gift for her than whatever item you end up purchasing. So that's why this works better than a gift card. It shows effort. It's about being present, being together, making plans and showing your partner that they really matter. The fact that you curated the experience makes it more meaningful. It builds connection. Even doing something straightforward, like shopping can strengthen your bond in ways that a gift card is not going to do. And if you're paying attention on this shopping trip, you will actually get an idea about the brands and the size and the style that your partner loves. You can make some notes about that, or even a better, form an ongoing relationship with that personal shopper, so they can help you out whenever you need to buy a gift. And those are the reasons this strategy is such a win. If you're thinking, well, I don't have enough time. Let me just tell you about the texts that I got from JT this morning. He said. I followed the plan we made and it worked out great. I snagged a lunch reservation at Contessa. My wife's been wanting to go there for ages. Then I contacted the jewelry store and made an appointment there. In fact, they suggested bringing in a few pieces that my wife doesn't wear as often, and we could work with one of their jewelry designers to transform those pieces into something new that she'll want to wear all the time." And listeners that is a pro tip. I know about this because my brother is a custom jewelry designer and that is exactly what he does for his clients. One of the things he tells me about is when people bring their family jewelry, that's out of fashion or damaged. And he works with them to remake those things into a modern and custom piece just for them. So back to JT. He capped off with this message. "I found this new Listening Bar downtown. They make curated cocktail and music experiences for people. So I made a reservation for there after the shopping. And, you know, what. I don't think I spent more than an hour and a half to make all this happen. I'm more excited for Christmas this year than I have been since we were first married. Thanks for the brilliant plan, Ellen. That's why I pay you the big bucks. You know, I call this show Make More Love cuz that's what we do here. Nothing makes me happier than when my clients have breakthroughs in their relationships. JT's success here is as much a gift for me as it is for everyone else involved. So, if you feel like you're not having the kind of fun in your relationship that you should be, get yourself on my schedule and let's figure out what we can do to change that. Just go to relationshipresetcall.com and pick a time. So here are some final thoughts on gift giving. In Passionate Partnerships, gifts are not a thing you throw money at. They are an investment in the long-term fulfillment and deeper intimacy for both of you. When you shift your approach to gift giving and make it an opportunity to connect, it changes the entire dynamic for both you and your partner. So skip the gift cards, sidestep the landmines, and create an experience you and your partner will remember long after the holidays. Did you hear what TJ said? He's more excited for Christmas this year than since he was first married. Can you say the same for yourself? Alright. I hope today's episode added some real value to your life. If you are ready for more support, ideas, or just someone to brainstorm with here are three ways to get that. One is to join our private and free Passionate Partners, Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. Number two is to visit our website and our social channels to learn more about our programs, workshops, and private coaching options. That's passionatepartnersproject.com And number three, if you want to dive into your specific situation, book a free Relationship Reset Call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. Just head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. You'll find everything you need, including the links to everything I've mentioned and my personal email right in the show notes. Ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com I'll be here whenever you're ready. And now I've got a request. I could really use your help to get the word out about Make More Love. First, if you haven't already, please hit follow and subscribe on whatever platform you prefer when you do that. It helps more people find the show and it makes sure you don't miss anything. And second, even more important, leaving a review will really help me grow our community so we can reach even more people. And finally, if you know someone who's struggling in their relationship, please share the show with them. A simple share from you could be life-changing for them. So, thank you so much for spreading the word. I believe you had good reasons for choosing the partner you have. My mission is to help you reconnect with those reasons and discover new ways to Make More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife. I'm Ellen Dorian, and that's what I've got for you today.

 

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