8: Case Studies in Relationship Transformation

8: Behind the Mic--Ellen Gets Personal 


[00:00:00] Welcome to Make More Love, the show for the entrepreneurial man who wants a hot and healthy marriage as well as a successful business. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and this is your place for straight up judgment-free conversations about merging the demands of business with the needs of a fulfilling relationship. 


We're all about supporting you to be extraordinary in your personal and your professional life, living fully in every way that counts. 


Before we jump in just a reminder that the Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional. 


Today, I'm shifting gears a bit. Let's take a break from the frameworks, elements, systems, and strategies we usually delve into. Instead, I want to share some of the questions and comments I've received from you, our listeners. Your curiosity and engagement are the heart of our community. 


So let's get personal.... 


Here's the first [00:01:00] question that's come up: 


Do you only work with married men? 


Absolutely not. My experience as a relationship coach spans individuals, couples, groups, networks... embracing all relationship structures and styles. I passionately support the LGBTQIA+ community, and I respect the myriad ways people choose to connect and love. 


It might be helpful if I share examples of some of the relationships situations I've helped clients with: 


I never use names when I tell stories about my clients. I use initials and even the initials are changed. 


let me tell you about RJ. She was stuck in what I call a Loveless limbo for decades, living separate lives under one roof. We strategized together to break down the walls she had built up over the years and created a plan that helped her re-engage in her relationship. We used the Rock Solid Relationship model of Common Purpose, Intentional [00:02:00] Presence…and eventually we even got to Perpetual Passion. She and her partner revived their connection and found common ground to build their future together. 


Now, Let me tell you about CM. CM was faced with the shock of his wife wanting to open up their marriage. We navigated through those intense initial emotions and gave CM the strategies he needed to help his wife see that opening a broken marriage wasn't the solution. They rebuilt their connection and intimacy, laying a foundation of deep understanding before they explored anything further. 


And now I want to tell you about MJ. MJ's story's a little bit different. He found himself in an unhealthy power dynamic in his relationship with his husband. And despite the work we did to help him recognize the patterns that had led to this situation, he just couldn't implement or bring himself to follow through with the plan. The [00:03:00] relationship collapsed and MJ ended up walking away from the business he had spent years building. It's a stark reminder of the complexities at the intersection of our personal lives and our business. 


Those are just a few clients that I've worked with. 


I assure all my clients, and it's a core part of what I share in my content as well, that they'll have a safe space with me to talk through any relationship concerns without any fear of judgment. 


The second question is related to the first question, and that is: 


If your work is so inclusive, then why is your podcast so heteronormative? 


I'm aware that the podcast might come across as heteronormative, but the principles I discuss are relevant to any relationship, regardless of gender or orientation or relationship structure. 


I started this show because I wanted to find a way to reach male business owners whose relationships are under pressure because of the demands of their work. These are men who [00:04:00] are underserved in relationship resources. The language I use is designed to resonate with those who are searching for advice, but not finding what they need. 


Remember the show is just one avenue to connect with me. My coaching is completely personalized to each client, so if you're curious about whether we might be a good fit for each other, the best step is to schedule a free Relationship Reset call with me. This call is a perfect way for you and I to get a read on each other with no strings attached, 


You can set that up at relationshipresetcall.com. 


The next question is: What makes you different from other coaches? Why should a man choose to work with you, what sets you apart from all the others, and how do those differences benefit men in particular? 


Look, relationship advice is plentiful, but I've observed that much of it comes with assumptions and biases that just might not resonate that well with men. 



The problem with traditional relationship help like [00:05:00] marriage counseling and therapy, for instance, is that it often relies on methods that men may find hard to engage with... More talk, more vulnerability, and more time than many men feel comfortable committing to. 


And when you look at social media, you'll find plenty of men's relationship advice. 


Now hearing people's stories is always valuable, and yet it's common for these influencers to primarily draw from their own experiences. 


What I offer is different. It's a mix of my personal understanding and my extensive work with male business owners over the past 18 years. I help them navigate the real life challenges they face at work, in their relationships, and in their personal lives. 


Let's move on to some of the other trendy relationship labels in theories. For instance, the Alpha Male and the Blue Pill-Red Pill paradigm. These might resonate for some folks, but to me, they miss the mark on the complexities and depths of modern [00:06:00] masculinity and relationships. I'm more interested in exploring the real you and what your relationship needs to thrive. 


You also hear quite a bit of this description of people as being "in their masculine" or "in their feminine." 


I find that characterization limiting and also confusing. 


Let's work with the specific character traits we bring to the table, not labels that other people use to define us. 


You'll also find many relationship coaches who are based in specific religious traditions, which can work great for people who share those traditions, but not everyone does. 


And finally humor is a fantastic way to illustrate a point. My husband and I enjoy a lot of it. Like those "Help Desk for Men skits. We even have a running joke about strawberries that came from one of those. But seriously, when we're talking about the roles we play and the relationships we're building, we need to have genuine connection and support, not just [00:07:00] jokes. 


But most importantly, none of what's out there takes into account the very real problem of having more than one Number One Priority in your life. I have built my coaching philosophy and systems around solving for that problem. 


And because I've been coaching men in all areas of their business, their relationships and personal lives for 18 years, I have the experience to back up my approach. 


And here's my last story for today. 


A while back a perceptive colleague pointed out a mismatch on my Facebook page. My relationship status was set to "It's Complicated," and there were no pictures or stories of my husband and me. "How can you advise on relationships" they asked, "if we don't see yours?" 


That's a good question. 


Here's the thing... being in a rock solid relationship means you respect your partner's choices, even when they [00:08:00] don't align with yours. My husband holds a strong stance against social media. He doesn't have any accounts except LinkedIn. 


He doesn't follow anyone except me... on YouTube... oh, me and Agmador, the Croatian chess commentator. 


Then there was the Facebook relationship status thing. I hadn't even looked at that in over a decade, so I updated it. And in true Facebook fashion, it announced to everyone that I had just gotten married, which hilariously led to a flurry of congratulations from people who know that I've been married for years. 


So there was that! 


And one more point: 


I showed my colleague's message to my husband who's incredibly supportive. Once he realized how important it was, he agreed to sharing a glimpse into our world every now and then. So I've started letting you in on a few special moments, being sure to stay within his limits. 


I hope today's episode [00:09:00] sparked some thoughts and maybe even inspired a bit of heart to heart with yourself. Now, I'd love to turn the conversation over to you. Your insights and experiences enrich our community and your feedback shapes the show. 


Whether it's a personal story, a topic you're curious about, or even constructive criticism, please reach out. 


You can share in the Passionate Partners Insider Community, which is our private Facebook group. 


Or our social channels and through Messenger. 


Or, you can send me a private email. 


Check the show notes for my coordinates. 


Alright. 


I hope today's episode added value to your life. 


If you'd like more support, brainstorming or ideas, here's three ways to get that: 


You can join our private and free Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources. 


Or you can check out our website and social channels to get the scoop on all of our programs, workshops, and coaching. 


And three, if you'd like to explore [00:10:00] your specific situation, book, a free Relationship Reset call with me. Whether it's a minor tune-up or a major overhaul, we'll make a plan to get you back on track. 


You can head over to relationshipresetcall.com to set that up. 


The Show Notes lists out everything you need to find me, including all the links to everything I've mentioned and my personal email, 


I'll be here whenever you're ready. 


And here are a few things you could do to support the show: 


If you haven't already please follow and subscribe. That is a win for both of us. 


Then, if you could leave a review that will help our community grow. 


And, if you know someone who is struggling in their own relationship, please share the show with them. It could be life-changing for them. 


Thanks for spreading the word. 


This is Ellen, and that's what I've got for you today. Until next time remember: What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love... in Your Life and with Your Wife.