Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the obligations that come with relationships, especially those that seem to pull you away from what truly matters? In a recent episode of "Make More Love," I explored this very topic, diving into how we can transform these obligations into opportunities for deeper connection and fulfillment.
Understanding the Real Currency in Relationships
In our fast-paced world, it's easy to equate currency with money. However, as I discussed in the podcast, the true currencies in life are time and presence. These are the investments that truly matter in our relationships. When we choose to spend our time and energy on obligations, even those we might prefer to avoid, we are making deposits into our relationship account. This concept of relationship return on investment (RROI) is crucial for building a strong partnership.
Avoidance: The Silent Relationship Killer
One of the key insights from the episode is how avoidance can erode the foundation of a relationship. Whether it's opting out, disengaging, or making excuses, these actions harm the stability, belonging, and affinity that are essential for a thriving partnership. I shared three common avoidance strategies: the hard pass, the silent protest, and blowing the escape hatch. Each of these might offer temporary relief but ultimately leads to resentment and disconnection.
Turning Obligations into Opportunities
Instead of avoiding obligations, we can approach them with intention and creativity. Here are some strategies I discussed:
1. Assess the Joy vs. Pain Factor: Consider how much joy the obligation will bring to your partner. Sometimes, it's worth participating just to see them happy. However, it's important to go all in and not expect reciprocity.
2. Collaborative Planning: Sit down with your partner and make a plan together. This might involve thinking outside the box or setting boundaries around the obligation. For instance, if holiday shopping is dreaded, set a time limit and plan a reward afterward.
3. Shared Challenges: Turn obligations into shared challenges. For example, if attending a wedding reception feels like a chore, use it as an opportunity to practice dancing skills together or play photographer to capture fun moments.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Communication is key. Sometimes, obligations are unavoidable, but being open about your feelings and plans can prevent conflict. Keeping your mouth shut might seem like a way to avoid a fight, but it often just postpones one.
A Tale of Two Husbands
I shared a personal story about my two marriages to illustrate the impact of handling obligations. My ex-husband often opted out, leaving me isolated. In contrast, my current husband, Steve, has consistently shown up, even when it's not easy. This commitment has strengthened our partnership and built trust over time.
Call to Action: Embrace the Opportunities
As we approach the holiday season, remember that obligations can be opportunities to show up for your partner and strengthen your bond. I encourage you to reflect on how you can invest your time and presence wisely in your relationship.
For more insights and support, consider joining our Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook, visiting our website for resources, or booking a free Relationship Reset call with me. Let's work together to make more love in your life and with your partner.
Conclusion: Listen to the Full Episode
I hope this blog post has provided valuable insights into transforming obligations into opportunities for connection. For a more in-depth discussion, listen to the full episode of "Make More Love." Remember, showing up for each other, even when it's not easy, is what builds a passionate partnership.
