2: Valentine's Day: Hallmark Holiday or Passion Power Play?

Ellen:
00:00:00

Welcome to Make More Love, the show for you, the entrepreneurial man who's dedicated to keeping a hot and healthy marriage while also growing a successful business and a secure future. I'm your host Ellen Dorian, and welcome to my tribe. If you are a married man who owns a business and your relationship is not everything you want it to be, you're in the right place. This show explores relationship challenges that are specific to business owners, along with tools for personal growth that resonate with who you are. My aim is to ensure that you are winning at marriage, excelling in business, and standing strong in every aspect of your life. It's Valentine's Day, and that's what today's episode is about. It's not surprising that Valentine's Day is not universally loved. Let's unpack that, keeping in mind that this show is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for the guidance of a trained healthcare professional. We are gonna dive into three points today: Number 1 is why there's resistance to Valentine's day and how to get past that. Number 2 is planning based on what will please your partner without you feeling like a phony. And Number 3 is about the process of continual expansion. As I was prepping for this episode, I was flipping through some old issues of Love Bites, my original newsletter on dating in long-term relationships. I was looking at the pandemic edition, Making Love Under Lockdown, from Valentine's Day 2021. Wow right.? We were holed up at home, no fancy dinners out, no date nights, no casually picking up a card. Those were surreal times for many of us. But, you know, it taught us something cool as well. Love doesn't always have to be about grand gestures. It's the little things that count just as much. The advice I gave back in 2021 might have been designed for when we couldn't leave the house, but the main point still holds true: if Valentine's day is important to your lover, they are going to be crushed if you don't come through for them. I know this firsthand. Back when I was in the corporate world, I had the experience of sitting in my office watching other women get flowers and chocolates and balloons and teddy bears all day long, but nothing from my then boyfriend. It was not a good day. Which brings me to Valentine's Day Resistance. I get it. Some of you think it's just a big cash grab, right? A hallmark Holiday is the phrase I hear tossed around a lot. And sure it's got its commercial vibes, but did you know that it's not just a modern-day invention? Valentine's day goes way back to ancient Rome. A rebel priest named Valentine was put to death for secretly marrying lovers in defiance of the Emperor's orders. Later, in the 1400s written declarations of love started popping up all over, and by the 1800s clandestine love notes became all the rage. So yeah, as commercial as it is today, the holiday does have deeper roots. The more important thing to focus on though. Is what really matters, and that is showing our partners some genuine love and appreciation. Now, I hope you align with my mission, which is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife. And if you do, then ignoring Valentine's Day does not support that desired outcome, so let's work out how you can make your wife feel seen, loved, and appreciated without you feeling like a fake or spending a fortune just for show. I have a question for you to think about: Think back to your most memorable Valentine's Day so far. What made it special? Was it a fancy night out? Or a spicy night in? A thoughtful gesture? What was it? I'd love to hear your thoughts about that. You can share your experiences with me through the Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook, or you can email me directly at ellen@passionatepartnersproject.com. All right, let's get going. First off, if you do nothing else, get a good card. Never underestimate the power of a good card. But let's be real. Don't buy a mushy card that doesn't reflect your current reality. Either find one that reflects something true about your feelings, or buy a blank one and write something authentic in it. Anything else is a lie, and as ridiculous as that sounds even this dumb card, if it reflects ideas that are not present in your relationship, is gonna cause more harm than good. So make sure that your card reflects the true state of your relationship. Now, even if you've left it to the last minute... and today is Valentine's Day... so if you're listening to this now, it is kind of the last minute, but you still might find something just right in the card aisle at CVS... or maybe not. So as an alternative, consider a handwritten love letter or poem. How hot would that be? And if you're not a writer, use chat GPT. It's like having your own personal Cyrano de Bergerac. So even if you are listening on Valentine's Day, which is today, you can do that. Now let's move on to actually planning the day. The best way I know to have a meaningful Valentine's day is to plan the celebration that gets you what you both want. So start by getting this scoop on how your partner feels about Valentine's Day. If you don't know whether they are all in or couldn't care less, then doing your research will save your ass and get you a better outcome, You're gonna learn a ton, but let's explore the three most common possibilities: The first possibility is they're just not into it, and neither are you. Woo-hoo! You both get to pass on it. But even if that's true, I recommend you not waste this opportunity to do a little something just to make your partner feel a little special and to show that you've got some game. It could be as simple as getting their car washed or bringing them their morning brew of choice in bed. And hey, if they're really chill about the day, but they love chocolates, on February 15th you can score some fabulous deals. So go and pick up a giant box of chocolates, maybe one of those big heart-shaped ones, at a super-duper deal. And give it to her with a note saying: "A day later, but a dollar richer." So, the takeaway for this scenario is that showing you care will never be overrated, even if you're both low-key about the actual Valentine's Day. All right, the second possibility: The second possibility is that your lover wants a celebration, but they aren't tied to tradition, so you get to think outside the chocolate box. Maybe flowers are not their thing, so try a different kind of bouquet: balloons, cookies, lollipops, even beef jerky and salami bouquets. You've gotta Google it to believe it. Or, if you're the creative type, maybe you can make up a personalized playlist or write a poem, sing a song, paint a painting just for them. Or, if you're craving a cozy night in, order your partner's favorite takeout, but serve it on the good dishes. Or whip up something in the kitchen yourself. You'll find some great recipes in the Passionate Partners Insider Community, like the world's simplest chocolate cake or, my uh bacon bourbon, peanut butter cookies, or classic cheese fondue or chocolate fondue. Those are all recipes you'll find in that Insider community. So head over there. The link is in the show notes. Or, simply take your lover to bed and do the things they love most. Just remember that foreplay starts at breakfast time! The key takeaway in this second scenario is that doing something that fits your partner's personality and your own is a better way to go than just hauling out the tired old Valentine's Day props. Now let's move on to the third possibility, which is that your partner is a Valentine's Day traditionalist. For traditionalist going all out on Valentine's day is a must. If that's your partner's jam than just embrace it. Roses are classic, but knowing your partner's favorite flower... that's Rockstar Class. And chocolate! Skip that generic box and get the ones that make her eyes light up. Then make the fancy dinner reservation if you can. Buy the diamond pendant if you want. But if your budget is more modest, it's all good. One perfect flower can say it all. Deliver it yourself for extra points. A few exquisite chocolates, a beautifully set table with the takeout, even if it's fast food...it's the flair that counts... and a good Prosecco can make that night special. The key takeaway here is that if your partner is traditional, then your best play is to get it right. Otherwise you risk creating disappointing memories that last for weeks, months, or even years. You could spend the rest of your life starting every year in the hole, and nobody wants that. As I said at the beginning, if you are listening to this on Valentine's Day, it's obviously going to be a little late for some of these things, but there are plenty of things among these ideas that you could still pull off. Also, you should know that you're not alone. A couple of years ago, I got a message from one of my construction clients about a Valentine's day post I made on LinkedIn. He said he wished he'd seen that post before Valentine's Day, and it would've saved him a world of hurt. We set up a strategy call and worked out a plan for a Valentine's Day, Do-Over that his wife loved, and also set him up with a system he could use to make every Valentine's day a blockbuster from that point forward. And actually that led me to create the Ultimate Valentine's Day Planning Kit, which you can get for free. You can find that in, guess what... the Passionate Partners Insider Community. There's a link to it in the show notes that will take you right there. You can use the Ultimate Valentine's Day Planning Kit on your own, or you can invite your partner to work through it with you and create a plan in advance for a memorable celebration that you create together. Then you can take the steps to make sure that it comes to life. However your Valentine's day went this year, whether you hit it out of the park or you fell flat, there's always room for expansion and improvement. So what's one thing you can do to heat up your next Valentine's day, whether that's today or next year? All right! Today we talked about Valentine's Day. We talked about how some people have a resistance to it. We talked about how to make it a good day, and we talked about how to change up your Valentine's Day game for the future. When you show your partner that you get them, your relationship will be stronger and more resilient and more loving, and you'll get more respect, more affection, and more intimacy. If you got something of value today, I would love your help to get the word out about the Make More Love Show. First, don't forget to follow and subscribe. That's a win for you and me. Second, if you know someone who's living in a loveless limbo, be a good friend and share this podcast. It could change the game for them. And third, if you feel moved to leave a quick review, that helps us reach out to even more guys like you and build our tribe of Relationship Rockstars. And if you'd like to explore additional options for yourself, here are some of the ways to get more access. All of the links and my contact information are posted in the show notes. You can check out our website and our social media platforms. You can get on my Insiders list. You can join the Passionate Partners Insider Community, which is free and gives you anytime access to exclusive resources, first looks and members-only content. Or if you're looking for more direct assistance, let's jump on a free Relationship Reset Call. Whether your relationship needs just a tune-up or a complete overhaul, we'll lay out a plan to get you back on solid ground. Click on the link to my calendar in the show notes and find a time that works for you. I'll be here whenever you're ready. This is Ellen and that's what I've got for you today. Happy Valentine's Day. And until next time, remember, what I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and With Your Wife.